End of life doesn’t mean we stop striving to make those moments meaningful.

Take time to understand how you grieve.

It's important to feel your feelings, but also to be mindful of time. Allow yourself to process your emotions while spending quality time with your loved one before they pass.

Below, you’ll find my personal narrative to provide perspective. For general information, please skip the highlighted passages.

It was my grandma, Mama Rose’s, birthday. My family had the tradition of gently surprising Mama Rose the moment midnight struck by singing “happy birthday” to her. She had just gotten into bed next to her husband, my grandpa, Papa Mark. After our little surprise, we asked her what she wanted for breakfast when she woke up. She answered with a smile, “the McDonald’s breakfast meal.” She went to bed smiling, thanking us, and excited for her favorite breakfast in the morning.

The next morning, we woke up and retrieved her chosen breakfast. Shortly after, Mama started complaining of pain. We took her vitals and deemed it necessary to call 911. As my brother trailed the ambulance to the hospital with my mom and me inside, my mom told my brother and I that Mama is DNR. Confused, I asked what that meant, and the waterworks came. I felt an anger I had never felt before. I made it clear we were NOT doing that. Rhetorically, I asked why we would do such a thing. It was the first time my mom gently taught me – why should we keep our loved ones alive for us if they are suffering?

  • "Do Not Resuscitate."

    This is a medical order indicating that a person does not want to receive life-saving measures. This decision is typically made to avoid unnecessary suffering or invasive procedures that may not significantly improve the quality of life for the individual.

Accepting death and dying can be challenging. However, considering the suffering of our loved ones can help us view death as a release from pain. There are many ways we can support our loved ones during this time, creating meaningful memories and doing our best to bring them peace.

Once admitted into the hospital, my grandma had less than three weeks left until she passed. During those weeks, we experienced a roller coaster of emotions. In the first half, my grandma lost her spark. The sudden news plunged our whole family into what felt like darkness; we were all stressed, depressed, and anxious. My grandma, always proud of her grooming, couldn't maintain her usual self-care in the hospital.

Occupational Therapy worked with my grandma, helping her with self-care activities. I remember being surprised when I visited, seeing my grandma looking more like her usual self than she had in days. It was then I realized how much those simple self-care activities—brushing your teeth, fixing your hair, even a little makeup—can help you feel better, even when you're sick in a hospital bed. I remember how hopeful I felt that day, just to spend time with Mama in the best condition she was in all week.

During this time, there are several things you can do for your loved one. Start by asking if you can help them with anything—eating, brushing their teeth, fixing themselves, etc. If they decline, explain how the activity might make them feel better. Always prioritize safety first. Assisting your loved one with basic self-care tasks can be especially uplifting, particularly if these tasks are unique to them. It could be helping with their hairstyle or putting on their favorite outfit—small acts that can significantly boost their spirits.

Another activity that boosts spirits and strengthens your bond is to partake in something nostalgic, such as making a memory box together. This activity is especially beneficial if your loved one has difficulty with memory. For directions on how to create a memory box, please click here.

Preparing for End of Life

End of life preparation is important for many reasons:

  • Emotional Readiness: Preparing for the end of life can help caregivers emotionally process and accept the inevitable, reducing the emotional burden when the time comes.

  • Clear Decision-Making: Having an end-of-life plan in place ensures that the wishes of the care recipient are respected and followed, reducing confusion and conflict among family members and caregivers.

  • Financial Planning: It allows caregivers to manage financial aspects, such as funeral costs and medical expenses, preventing sudden financial stress.

  • Legal Matters: Ensuring all legal documents, like wills and power of attorney, are in order helps avoid legal complications and ensures the care recipient's wishes are legally upheld.

  • Quality of Care: Knowing the care recipient’s preferences for end-of-life care, including medical interventions and hospice care, ensures they receive the type and level of care they desire.

  • Personal Peace: Having a plan provides peace of mind to both the caregiver and the care recipient, knowing that everything is prepared and their wishes will be honored.

  • Support Systems: It allows caregivers to establish support systems, such as counseling or support groups, to help them cope during and after the end-of-life process.

Helpful resources to support you during this challenging time: